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3.41 AVERAGE
3.41 AVERAGE
Rating: ☆☆☆.5
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Intriguing story with unlikable characters. Although I was curious to know how the story was going to play out, I had a hard time with following the change in POV and time at a few places through out the book. Since I listened to this on audio, I'm wondering if it may be easier to follow when reading the book. Outside of the confusion in transitions, I thought Ann Morgan to be a fantastic writer and found her style very captivating. I'll definitely seek out more of her books!
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Intriguing story with unlikable characters. Although I was curious to know how the story was going to play out, I had a hard time with following the change in POV and time at a few places through out the book. Since I listened to this on audio, I'm wondering if it may be easier to follow when reading the book. Outside of the confusion in transitions, I thought Ann Morgan to be a fantastic writer and found her style very captivating. I'll definitely seek out more of her books!
Eleanor and Helen are twins. Helen, labeled the good one, does the right thing, and Ellie, the slower and clumsy one, is considered not as intelligent. One day, as a game, they trade places with each other. Then Ellie doesn't want to switch back. We seem them alternating chapter's from Helen's point of view then and now. How Helen who is now Ellie has taken a downward turn, and how Ellie now Helen has seemingly thrived. But looks are deceiving.
Ellie had reasons for not wanting to be herself and Mom had reasons (sure, horrible ones) for not acknowledging the switch.
Ellie had reasons for not wanting to be herself and Mom had reasons (sure, horrible ones) for not acknowledging the switch.
I had a huge headache around seventy or so pages in. And I'm sure Helen (Ellie? Smudge?) had more than a headache to deal with after this childhood fiasco. The premise to this novel immediately grabbed me when I came across it; it's incredibly frustrating when no one believes something that you know to be the absolute truth and what's even worse is when someone's lie is believed over your truth. Honestly, this has happened to me (mostly as a child) and has driven me to tears and resentment so I can't imagine what my life would be like if I was in Helen's place.
(To avoid confusion, I will refer to Helen as 'the main character' hereafter.)
Beside Myself alternates each chapter from two different points of views: the main character's present and past. It was really interesting to see the POV change from first person to second person to third; it really showed how detached the main character became. However, I believe that the switching back and forth between POVs is what actually gave me a headache, it's definitely a lot to keep up with.
It was hard not to gloss over some of the early chapters of the main character's present because of how descriptive they were. It does make it seem like a slow start at the beginning, but thankfully the plot quickly picks up after that. I wouldn't say I'm disappointed with the ending, but I did leave incredibly frustrated. Since I was reading this as an ebook, what I thought were about 40 more pages of the novel were actually just blank pages.
I would have liked the ends to be tied a bit neater and more of the main character explored. There's so many questions that I felt she didn't ask: time she spent silenced, waiting for answers for questions she never asked. A lot of the time growing up, it seemed as if she was an only child when in reality she was a twin who shared a room with said sister. Was their time together really spent in radio silence? Was there never a shared moment or another attempt to reveal the truth, at least between them?
Nevertheless, this novel gives you a really close-up look at how a mental illness can develop in early childhood and what can happen when it's swept under the rug. It made me tremendously sad to see the main character develop so many unhealthy thinking patterns and cope with them in unhealthy ways. But honestly, who can blame her? When no one wants to believe you, it makes you not want to believe anyone, including yourself.
Memorable Quote
"And that is when I learn the secret: that you don't have to be anyone. You don't have to be Helen or Ellie. You don't have to be any kid of person. You can just float up through the branches into the sky like balloon, until you are far away looking down on the people scurrying about their Christmases like ants and no one can touch you at all." (111)
(To avoid confusion, I will refer to Helen as 'the main character' hereafter.)
Beside Myself alternates each chapter from two different points of views: the main character's present and past. It was really interesting to see the POV change from first person to second person to third; it really showed how detached the main character became. However, I believe that the switching back and forth between POVs is what actually gave me a headache, it's definitely a lot to keep up with.
It was hard not to gloss over some of the early chapters of the main character's present because of how descriptive they were. It does make it seem like a slow start at the beginning, but thankfully the plot quickly picks up after that. I wouldn't say I'm disappointed with the ending, but I did leave incredibly frustrated. Since I was reading this as an ebook, what I thought were about 40 more pages of the novel were actually just blank pages.
I would have liked the ends to be tied a bit neater and more of the main character explored. There's so many questions that I felt she didn't ask: time she spent silenced, waiting for answers for questions she never asked. A lot of the time growing up, it seemed as if she was an only child when in reality she was a twin who shared a room with said sister. Was their time together really spent in radio silence? Was there never a shared moment or another attempt to reveal the truth, at least between them?
Nevertheless, this novel gives you a really close-up look at how a mental illness can develop in early childhood and what can happen when it's swept under the rug. It made me tremendously sad to see the main character develop so many unhealthy thinking patterns and cope with them in unhealthy ways. But honestly, who can blame her? When no one wants to believe you, it makes you not want to believe anyone, including yourself.
Memorable Quote
"And that is when I learn the secret: that you don't have to be anyone. You don't have to be Helen or Ellie. You don't have to be any kid of person. You can just float up through the branches into the sky like balloon, until you are far away looking down on the people scurrying about their Christmases like ants and no one can touch you at all." (111)
dark
emotional
tense
medium-paced
Plot or Character Driven:
Character
Strong character development:
Yes
Loveable characters:
Complicated
Diverse cast of characters:
No
Flaws of characters a main focus:
Yes
fast-paced
I was excited to read this ever since I read the plot description and got it as soon as my library got it in. Unfortunately, I just found it really boring. The concept was interesting (albeit ridiculous) and the first couple chapters are okay but after that it was really a struggle to get through for me, so much so that I had to renew it from my library twice because it took me so long to read. Maybe I just wasn't in the right mindset for it but def had higher expectations for this book.
Good read. It's been a while since I read a book with an atmosphere which lingers even after you've put it away. It felt like the shadows following her escaped into your reality right before you closed the book, whispering her perspective, making you see the world through her eyes, with her heart. You slowly shook off the gloomy feelings...until you opened the book again.
However, the ending was rather disappointing.
However, the ending was rather disappointing.
A first book by an author that shows much promise, this is much more an intense exploration of mental illness than a psychological thriller, and as such not what I wanted to read.
None of the characters are likeable, which is not always a bad thing, but if the plot isn't what I wanted and I don't like the characters there's not much left for me as a reader, really.
None of the characters are likeable, which is not always a bad thing, but if the plot isn't what I wanted and I don't like the characters there's not much left for me as a reader, really.
I enjoyed this book. I thought thr characters were well written and the plot to be engaging.
The voices and the use of the name Smudge was a little confusing. I do wish we'd seen a little more of Ellie/Smudge/Helen? at the end. I couldn't believe what a horrible woman the twins mother turned out to be. She kept getting worse and worse what a vile person. I felt so bad for both twins, especially Ellie(Helen).
It was a neat exploration of identity and how who we are and who we think we are affects our lives.
Spoiler
The voices and the use of the name Smudge was a little confusing. I do wish we'd seen a little more of Ellie/Smudge/Helen? at the end. I couldn't believe what a horrible woman the twins mother turned out to be. She kept getting worse and worse what a vile person. I felt so bad for both twins, especially Ellie(Helen).
It was a neat exploration of identity and how who we are and who we think we are affects our lives.
An.... interesting book. I love psychological thrillers which is what caused me to pick it up while it didn't exactly 'thrill' me, it was still a page turner for me. I have decided that I truly enjoy books about people with mental illness. I found it baffling how horrible these girl's mother was, she was a minor character in this book but had such a huge part of forming the plot line. I found it kept my attention the whole way through. I still didn't know until later on in the book if grown up Helen (fake Ellie) was really Helen or Ellie and I won't spoil that for anyone. You will just have to read it to find out