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3.85 AVERAGE
3.85 AVERAGE
I think this book touched on an important and interesting topic. Just like The Five Love Languages, this book made a great point regarding the differences in people and the importance of being aware of their needs in a relationship. However, I felt like the book was a bit verbose with anecdotal stories.
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
I'm sure we're all aware, that it is important to give a genuine apology, when we make mistakes and hurt someone - whether it is on purpose or not. But sometimes, even though we are sincerely sorry, the person we've hurt, might not think our apology is sincere, because we are not apologizing in a language they can understand.
As with love languages, we tend to apologize (or show love) in our own primary language, which is not necessarily the primary language of the person we have hurt. The authors recommend that in case you don't know the person's language of apology, play it safe, and use all five.
As with love languages, we tend to apologize (or show love) in our own primary language, which is not necessarily the primary language of the person we have hurt. The authors recommend that in case you don't know the person's language of apology, play it safe, and use all five.
The helpful content of this book could be reduced to bullet points on a few PowerPoint slides. Understanding that people have differing definitions of an adequate apology is an important skill for personal and professional relationships. Specific examples of adequate and inadequate apologies are given- ad nauseam.
I believe this was first published in early 2000’s but it reads older. The authors’ lens is heteronormative to the extent of pretending queer people don’t exist in any of the example couples, real or fictional. They are at times preachy so this isn’t a surprise. They also assume all readers are in monogamous romantic relationships and take the view that any use of drugs, alcohol, or pornographic material is sinful and wrong. Maybe if you believe that 90% of normal human behaviors are wrong you have a lot more apologizing to do, but then shouldn’t you be better at doing it?
There is also some harmfully reductive discussion about how folks ought to forgive a parent who has sexually abused them. I think some readers would be very upset by this recommendation. Dr. Chapman even suggests that many cases of anxiety and depression would not exist if people were better at apologizing and forgiving themselves and others. While I agree that self-apology and forgiveness IS an important practice that a lot of people don’t consciously consider, that was perhaps the only solid and useful idea put forward in this whole book.
I believe this was first published in early 2000’s but it reads older. The authors’ lens is heteronormative to the extent of pretending queer people don’t exist in any of the example couples, real or fictional. They are at times preachy so this isn’t a surprise. They also assume all readers are in monogamous romantic relationships and take the view that any use of drugs, alcohol, or pornographic material is sinful and wrong. Maybe if you believe that 90% of normal human behaviors are wrong you have a lot more apologizing to do, but then shouldn’t you be better at doing it?
There is also some harmfully reductive discussion about how folks ought to forgive a parent who has sexually abused them. I think some readers would be very upset by this recommendation. Dr. Chapman even suggests that many cases of anxiety and depression would not exist if people were better at apologizing and forgiving themselves and others. While I agree that self-apology and forgiveness IS an important practice that a lot of people don’t consciously consider, that was perhaps the only solid and useful idea put forward in this whole book.
Helpful ways to see how others, and you, can offer an apology beyond simply saying the words. This book has useful examples that bring the six ways to life. Note, if you're not a Christian, you may need to take some of the religious angles to this (especially regarding traditional marriage) lightly as I did.
There were a couple examples of forgiving an offender over and over again as long as they apologized that I rolled my eyes at. Isn't that the definition of a doormat? Also, there is a heavy Christian focus in the book as a PSA to the non-believers!
Overall, a very informative book about how to apologize efficiently that would be helpful for many people to review!
Overall, a very informative book about how to apologize efficiently that would be helpful for many people to review!
I would give this book a 4.5/5. I really like the concept of the book and I am hoping to use the apology languages in my life. The only thing I disliked about the book was the fact that it doesn't give you any advice if you are one of the people who never grew up with apologies. I could tell I was very similar to a person they described as having a fear of failure being the reason I might be tempted to refuse to apologize. My entire adult life I've fought that and done my best to apologize when I feel like I've done something wrong, even though any kind of failure feels disastrous. It will be helpful to know how to apologize to people but I thought it would have been beneficial to go into a little detail of how to approach that issue if it is something you deal with. That aside, it is nice knowing that not everyone receives apologies the same. I think it will be very helpful knowing how to apologize in multiple ways so you can show you care.
informative
medium-paced
Sadly I spent most of my time apologizing, although no matter how I tried they were never accepted, again I believe it was because I was the wrong person apologizing.
For additional reviews please see my blog at www.adventuresofabibliophile.blogspot.com
For additional reviews please see my blog at www.adventuresofabibliophile.blogspot.com