Reviews with content warning for Toxic friendship - Real Life

Reviews tagging 'Toxic friendship'

Real Life by Brandon Taylor

44 reviews

raelin's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad slow-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? Yes
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

3.25

Things I Loved

The lab setting and descriptions and inclusions of high science. I have never read a book that casually includes the graduate setting of a science lab and I loved that backdrop of order and focus admits the emotional chaos and intensity surrounding Wallace.
The sharing of a painful insight into what it is like to be the “other” in academia at a PWI.
The beautiful prose and achingly tragic descriptions.

Overall this was just a gut wrenching, rip your heart out and cry for Wallace. I was depressed and deeply sad the whole time reading it. It felt open and important to read, but painful.

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nickoliver's review against another edition

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emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? No
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.5

After reading "Slay" by Brittney Morris, I was still extremely in the mood for a book written by a Black author. I wasn't quite picky about the genre or the age group, so I just picked the one I had the most interest in. Which happened to be this one.

I am not entirely sure what to think of it. I had no idea what to expect from it, because going into it, the only thing I knew was that the main character was a queer Black guy. I did read the synopsis before starting it, but even then, it didn’t tell me all too much, except that the main character had a friend group were some guys were straight, some guys were gay, and some guys were presumably straight but not really. And not knowing what exactly was coming my way definitely made me a bit nervous.

The entire book was only set over a weekend. It didn't let you forget that, but it still sometimes didn’t feel like that, because so much stuff happened (while at the same time, nothing at all). It started out on Friday, when Wallace, the main character, met his friends in a park (I think?), and ended on Sunday, or possibly Monday. At the beginning of the book, Wallace started hooking up with one of his presumably straight friends, Miller. Their relationship wasn’t the main plot, but it was pretty central.

What I didn’t expect was how relatable everything was going to be. A lot of the things Wallace said or thought were things that could’ve come from my mind, which made the book a lot more personal than I had anticipated. The book made me emotional and also kind of uncomfortable, because it made me confront certain things I wasn’t ready to confront (a lot of things about my life, especially my line of work).

The funny thing about the relatability was that it made me kind of give Wallace my own personality, so every time he acted in a way I didn’t expect, I was the Pikachu meme. It did made it a bit hard sometimes because I got infuriated with Wallace - for example, when he was a bit of a jerk, or when he didn’t defend himself -, but the latter made sense if I switched my privilege off for a second, and the former was probably my own fault for assuming I knew his entire personality after a short amount of pages.

I was reminded again that sometimes, looking up trigger warnings beforehand would do me good. Because just like in "Ninth House" by Leigh Bardugo last year, I got blindsided again by a child being sexually abused. And it was pretty fucked up. It went into detail and also insinuated that the parents were kind of okay with that or at least expected it? There was also religious trauma, because his parents were the religious, bigoted type (and overall abusive as all hell). And Taylor showed how it messed Wallace up; how he seemed to have gotten used to sex hurting and being used for pleasure. It hurt to read that.

I really liked the way Taylor talked about Wallace’s Blackness and the way it made people treat him differently at work (and generally). For example, the way he had to work twice as hard to get even half the recognition his white colleagues got, and the way he had to deal with slurs and mistreatment without anyone sticking up for him. That’s what got to me the most: that no one ever defended him. For example, at certain times, one of his friends would be really mad at him for something and chew him out over it, even if it was completely inappropriate and they were in the wrong, and no one would stand up for him? Sometimes, they’d come up to him later and apologise for not saying anything earlier, but honestly, that just made them shittier people. If you don’t speak up when something hateful is being said or done, you’re part of the problem. Reading this story made me feel angry a lot, especially in a numb, powerless kind of way, but that felt deliberate.

While I was sometimes angry at Wallace for not defending himself, I did understand why he didn’t. It was easy for me to be frustrated, because I was never in that situation. I never had someone see me as inferior solely because of my skin colour, so I had to acknowledge my privilege there. In any way, it made sense that Wallace was too tired to keep defending himself, because it either never led anywhere anyways, or it made things even worse for him. So he just let people treat him like shit, because he couldn’t imagine an alternative where he could’ve successfully stood up for himself. I got infuriated a lot, and honestly, all I wanted to do was give Wallace a hug and take a piece of the burden off his shoulders.

I was a huge fan of the Taylor’s writing. I have no idea why, exactly - I can’t pinpoint it -, but it scratched an itch for me in a way that was extremely satisfying. I’d definitely read something else by Taylor for that alone.

The only thing I didn’t particularly like was the ending. It was very open-ended and didn’t really wrap up any of the plot points. In a way it made sense, because the story read more like a “slice of life” story than anything else, and again, it was only set over a weekend. But I still would’ve liked to see at least some of the threads wrapped up. This way, it was a bit too unsatisfying to me.

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samarakroeger's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? Yes
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

4.25

Christopher Isherwood meets Transcendent Kingdom meets Bryan Washington (???) -- I'm doing that thing again where I end up picking up books that are pretty different on the surface but end up covering very similar themes/topics or have similar tones. Real Life takes place over a very short time period and deals with queerness, otherness, and grief like A Single Man, and the coldness of the tone is almost dissociative, like Isherwood. It also has a similar setting to Transcendent Kingdom (Black grad student from Alabama studying STEM at a PWI) and for some reason I can't quite place Brandon Taylor's writing reminds me of Bryan Washington. Both Memorial and Real Life fail to show a single healthy relationship and both have "unsatisfying" endings (which I personally appreciate). If you liked any of these elements in other books, you might really like Real Life.

Real Life honestly sometimes felt a little too real, certainly very raw and almost dejected. I'm glad I didn't read this while I was struggling to slog through my STEM degree and frequently felt like I didn't belong there. The Imposter Syndrome vibes are very very strong and honestly is a bit of a trigger warning if that would hit too close to home at the moment. If you're feeling very lonely and lost in the world, proceed with caution. I felt it perfectly captured the Midwestern microaggression flavor and casual racism/sexism/homophobia in a place that is "proud of being woke and liberal" but is still overwhelmingly white. Also, the frustration of advisor favoritism.

The writing style veered a little too close to purple prose for me at times. However, given that Taylor wrote this in a matter of weeks (!!!), I think its solid foundation could have benefitted from just a bit more editing.

I liked all the hints that it was set at UW Madison without ever mentioning it by name, which felt like a fun little easter egg hunt for Midwesterners. I feel like I have to be right because UW Madison is Taylor's alma mater and Real Life seems pretty heavily autobiographical.

All in all, I can see how this book would be divisive for people. There's nothing uplifting about this, there's no healthy relationships, there's no real conclusion or lesson to take away from it. It could be deeply triggering for some people, or verge on not being relatable enough to others. Personally, I liked it a lot, but I can't say I'd recommend this across the board.

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seawarrior's review against another edition

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challenging dark emotional reflective sad tense medium-paced

Plot- or character-driven? Character
Strong character development? It's complicated
Loveable characters? It's complicated
Diverse cast of characters? No
Flaws of characters a main focus? Yes

5.0

Real Life is a heavy, honest coming of age story that focuses on graduate student Wallace, as he realizes the depths of his discontent over the course of a weekend. Wallace is the only Black graduate student in his program, an alienating experience which is made worse by acts of sabotage, statements of thinly veiled racism, and silence from his white peers. Taylor pulls no punches while describing how Wallace feels, and unravels why he is compelled to either placate or push away those he calls his friends as the story goes on. This book contains effective but visceral descriptions of trauma and how it pecks its way into people and slumbers within them, poisoning them quietly for a spell before squawking loudly for attention. If you are triggered by descriptions of sexual assault, especially against minors, this is not a book I would ever recommend to you. Yet I never felt like Taylor exploited Wallace's history of surviving assault to elicit shock or pity from the reader. Instead we are led to understand, similarly to Wallace, that his history cannot be escaped, and that his flee to academia has piled on new violations hidden under politeness and guilty apologies while exacerbating his poor self-esteem. Taylor makes it impossible not to empathize with Wallace, and I desperately wished for him to find safety and happiness somewhere in his world. The ending of the book was disappointing to me because Wallace's life did not improve, but I don't regret having read it. Taylor's prose is striking and glittering with insight, so I would still highly recommend this book to those who can stomach the subject matter.

Content Warnings