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4.33 AVERAGE
4.33 AVERAGE
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
hopeful
informative
inspiring
fast-paced
"Black mothering is a political project, and our mission—should we choose to accept it—is nothing short of revolutionary."
I chose to read this book as someone still unsure about being a mother and also as someone due to life circumstances having to deal with temporarily parenting a Black pre-teen. I always assumed as a Black mom you have to be intentional about your parenting but was never sure where one would start. This book is a great primer, both for Black women who want to be mothers (or currently are) and those who have no interest in having children but want to know how they can best love and support the Black moms and kids in their lives. I would suggest pairing this book with WHY ARE ALL THE BLACK KIDS SITTING TOGETHER IN THE CAFETERIA? because it gets into more of the nitty gritty and tough race conversations you should have with your kids at various ages. This book is more wide ranging and big picture, trailing off mostly after elementary school. There's a chapter on education but it's broad. This isn't a bad thing, just something I feel the need to point out in case others (like me) had somewhat different expectations going into the book.
McClain's journalism training is readily apparent, she refrains from judgement even when the mothers she interviews offer different perspectives from her own or other interview subjects. Although she does note her own point of view where appropriate and makes her values clear, such as when writing about the practice of spanking kids; "Still, I choose to use the word 'violence' to describe the use of physical discipline, though it feels a little dramatic. As a black mother, framing it in this way is a political choice. It's a reminder that I want my daughter to know that her body is her own, that pain at others' hands is not a natural part of life, and that no authority figure-whether it's me now or some teacher or police officer later in her life-has the right to hurt her as a way to force obedience" (39). She also has an ear for the most relevant and powerful anecdotes, we don't see the interview transcripts but it feels like McClain offers the most compelling personal stories or quips from her interviews which is appreciated. The mothers she interviews are from different parts of the country and have made different parenting choices whether by homeschooling their kids, choosing to raise their kids as a single parent, etc. There are plenty of perspectives offered that don't obscure the commonalities between each parenting journey or perspective. Aside from the interviews McClain also has a strong sense of when to bring in history and data, presenting both to strengthen or further illustrate the stories shared. She also clearly isn't interested in shaming moms for certain parenting choices they make particularly when it comes to single moms, noting "Government aren't equipped to understand all the pressures that low-income couples face. What governments <i>are</i>equipped to do is address poverty head on, by acknowledging and supporting people's economic and social rights. Instead, our government punishes unmarried mothers, sending the message that a husband can and should be a family's source of financial stability. Lost in the conversation connecting low marriage rates and poverty is the impact low-wage work has on black families" (67).
WE LIVE FOR THE WE makes the very effective argument that for Black mothers parenting is political and that Black moms (and those who love them) need to unleash their political power in order to raise happy, healthy and protected Black children. There are a few missing topics that I thought would have been important to touch upon, such as the differences in raising Black boys vs girls or non binary children as well as how to navigate the various stages of the education system, the inclusion of these could have added new insight and depth to the book. In my opinion the book's best chapters focus on pregnancy and the early stages of childhood development so it's especially helpful for new or aspiring Black moms. This is an excellent entry point for those looking to learn more about Black motherhood, the writing is poignant and accessible, the interview subjects fascinating and the research impeccably laid out. I look forward to following McClain's reporting and reading any other books she chooses to write.
Other favorite lines:
"Black mothers advocate for our children everywhere, from the playground to the schoolhouse to the doctor's office. There is always a campaign to wage. There is always a need to make our children's humanity more visible and to convince, cajole or pressure someone who's making our lives more difficult because of their own blind spots or racist impulses." (202)
"I think the most important dividing line today is between those who believe our greatest resource is our imagination and those who think unbridled imaginations are dangerous, a threat to existing ways of organizing power." (228)
I chose to read this book as someone still unsure about being a mother and also as someone due to life circumstances having to deal with temporarily parenting a Black pre-teen. I always assumed as a Black mom you have to be intentional about your parenting but was never sure where one would start. This book is a great primer, both for Black women who want to be mothers (or currently are) and those who have no interest in having children but want to know how they can best love and support the Black moms and kids in their lives. I would suggest pairing this book with WHY ARE ALL THE BLACK KIDS SITTING TOGETHER IN THE CAFETERIA? because it gets into more of the nitty gritty and tough race conversations you should have with your kids at various ages. This book is more wide ranging and big picture, trailing off mostly after elementary school. There's a chapter on education but it's broad. This isn't a bad thing, just something I feel the need to point out in case others (like me) had somewhat different expectations going into the book.
McClain's journalism training is readily apparent, she refrains from judgement even when the mothers she interviews offer different perspectives from her own or other interview subjects. Although she does note her own point of view where appropriate and makes her values clear, such as when writing about the practice of spanking kids; "Still, I choose to use the word 'violence' to describe the use of physical discipline, though it feels a little dramatic. As a black mother, framing it in this way is a political choice. It's a reminder that I want my daughter to know that her body is her own, that pain at others' hands is not a natural part of life, and that no authority figure-whether it's me now or some teacher or police officer later in her life-has the right to hurt her as a way to force obedience" (39). She also has an ear for the most relevant and powerful anecdotes, we don't see the interview transcripts but it feels like McClain offers the most compelling personal stories or quips from her interviews which is appreciated. The mothers she interviews are from different parts of the country and have made different parenting choices whether by homeschooling their kids, choosing to raise their kids as a single parent, etc. There are plenty of perspectives offered that don't obscure the commonalities between each parenting journey or perspective. Aside from the interviews McClain also has a strong sense of when to bring in history and data, presenting both to strengthen or further illustrate the stories shared. She also clearly isn't interested in shaming moms for certain parenting choices they make particularly when it comes to single moms, noting "Government aren't equipped to understand all the pressures that low-income couples face. What governments <i>are</i>equipped to do is address poverty head on, by acknowledging and supporting people's economic and social rights. Instead, our government punishes unmarried mothers, sending the message that a husband can and should be a family's source of financial stability. Lost in the conversation connecting low marriage rates and poverty is the impact low-wage work has on black families" (67).
WE LIVE FOR THE WE makes the very effective argument that for Black mothers parenting is political and that Black moms (and those who love them) need to unleash their political power in order to raise happy, healthy and protected Black children. There are a few missing topics that I thought would have been important to touch upon, such as the differences in raising Black boys vs girls or non binary children as well as how to navigate the various stages of the education system, the inclusion of these could have added new insight and depth to the book. In my opinion the book's best chapters focus on pregnancy and the early stages of childhood development so it's especially helpful for new or aspiring Black moms. This is an excellent entry point for those looking to learn more about Black motherhood, the writing is poignant and accessible, the interview subjects fascinating and the research impeccably laid out. I look forward to following McClain's reporting and reading any other books she chooses to write.
Other favorite lines:
"Black mothers advocate for our children everywhere, from the playground to the schoolhouse to the doctor's office. There is always a campaign to wage. There is always a need to make our children's humanity more visible and to convince, cajole or pressure someone who's making our lives more difficult because of their own blind spots or racist impulses." (202)
"I think the most important dividing line today is between those who believe our greatest resource is our imagination and those who think unbridled imaginations are dangerous, a threat to existing ways of organizing power." (228)
reflective
medium-paced
Content Warnings
Moderate: Racism
Just wow! Finally a book that I can relate to as a young Black mother. This book spoke to every single one of my fears as a Black mother raising a Black boy and girl in America.
The exploration of faith, community, mental health, feelings, sexuality and education was AMAZING. This book will certainly be read over and over because I’m sure I missed a LOT.
The exploration of faith, community, mental health, feelings, sexuality and education was AMAZING. This book will certainly be read over and over because I’m sure I missed a LOT.
This book is AMAZING. There are many ways that Black Motherhood has been the hardest most challenging thing that I have every tasked myself with, but it is definitely not a fruitless fight. Dr. McClain makes it clear that we are raising little formidable people that deserve out resources and wisdom. These same little people deserve to learn in environments that love and edify them while understanding the nuance of their black girl existence. As a mother, daughter, wife, and lover this book was beautiful.
What kind of political power do I possess? Is it a power that when aligned with other like-minded people decides who represents our interests in Washington DC? Is it a transformative power that influences my interactions with other people? Or maybe it's a power that guides one of the important roles in my lifetime as a mother? I think We Live for the We is a mixture these ideas and more. The first thing to acknowledge is that politics should not be limited to political party preferences and systems. Politics has multiple meanings (5 are listed in Merriam Webster Dictionary) and the one that is most fitting is "the total complex of relations between people living in a society". A close second is "political actions, practices, or policies". As a parent, one thing I think about constantly is what kind of world are we living in and what can I do to ensure that my son is safe. It's evident that even when supposed "rules" and laws are followed, it's no guarantee that he and I are not seen as a threat. I think this is a timely read that should engage the reader by encouraging them to think about how do we create a world where we are loved and respected. What does this place look like and what steps should be taken to create it? Dani McClain tackles several topics that mothers deal with on a regular basis, all of which center on "power, position, and protection" (3). I give this book five stars because it recognizes the power Black women have to affect change, often working with the least amount of resources. It's an acknowledgement that motherhood is not restricted to biological ties but includes those who nurture, teach, protect, and provide.
Taking a moment to think-
Should discipline be traditional (corporal) or should other means be explored? How much should children be allowed to say to their parents; is it having an opinion or being disrespectful? "These beatings were born of a fear that if, as a black parent, you did not go to great lengths to teach your child his or her place, then some white person would someday do so with much more violence and far more serious consequences. The violence inflicted by black parents on their children was born out of both love and a deep abiding fear for that child's ability to survive the American caste system that devalues black life" (41).
The promotion of marriage and nuclear family as a way out of poverty. "But unmarried black mothers and their daughters aren't lauded for holding the keys to resisting patriarchal oppression. Instead, the dominant narrative is that we're poor, draining public coffers, and so a blight on society. Some academics, politicians, and pundits seem certain of the link between poverty and remaining unmarried. But I would argue that economically stable, educated individuals tend to marry each other. They stay out of poverty because they weren't impoverished in the first place" (64).
Why assimilation is dangerous and the meaning of socialization-"but there is a fine line between surviving the world accepting it as it is. I don't want her to assimilate to the point that she loses the ability to see and challenge what is wrong around her" (80). *Author is writing in reference to her daughter*.
Education's role as an equalizer, path to middle class. 66 years after the Brown decision is this reality? What's the cost to have your child attend school in a wealthy suburban area if they are one of a few ethnic minority students? Or to have your child attend a ethnically diverse but not as wealthy school?
Why Black mothering is political and revolutionary-Cat Brooks, a community organizer based in Oakland says "our job as black mothers is to keep pushing the liberation ball down the court. Our obligation is to leave the world better for them and to ensure that they are equipped with the tools that they need to fight...we don't live for the I, we live for the we" (201).
Taking a moment to think-
Should discipline be traditional (corporal) or should other means be explored? How much should children be allowed to say to their parents; is it having an opinion or being disrespectful? "These beatings were born of a fear that if, as a black parent, you did not go to great lengths to teach your child his or her place, then some white person would someday do so with much more violence and far more serious consequences. The violence inflicted by black parents on their children was born out of both love and a deep abiding fear for that child's ability to survive the American caste system that devalues black life" (41).
The promotion of marriage and nuclear family as a way out of poverty. "But unmarried black mothers and their daughters aren't lauded for holding the keys to resisting patriarchal oppression. Instead, the dominant narrative is that we're poor, draining public coffers, and so a blight on society. Some academics, politicians, and pundits seem certain of the link between poverty and remaining unmarried. But I would argue that economically stable, educated individuals tend to marry each other. They stay out of poverty because they weren't impoverished in the first place" (64).
Why assimilation is dangerous and the meaning of socialization-"but there is a fine line between surviving the world accepting it as it is. I don't want her to assimilate to the point that she loses the ability to see and challenge what is wrong around her" (80). *Author is writing in reference to her daughter*.
Education's role as an equalizer, path to middle class. 66 years after the Brown decision is this reality? What's the cost to have your child attend school in a wealthy suburban area if they are one of a few ethnic minority students? Or to have your child attend a ethnically diverse but not as wealthy school?
Why Black mothering is political and revolutionary-Cat Brooks, a community organizer based in Oakland says "our job as black mothers is to keep pushing the liberation ball down the court. Our obligation is to leave the world better for them and to ensure that they are equipped with the tools that they need to fight...we don't live for the I, we live for the we" (201).
So many good things about this book. As a mother, I appreciated reading the thoughts of another mother in my same city. As a white woman, I liked that she took the time to explain some of the misconceptions I had about black motherhood and family structure. I know I am not without my unconscious biases, but as a teacher who teaches mostly students of color, this book offered me a new perspective of how many of my students may be parented at home along with giving me ideas to use in my classroom (I like the idea of restorative justice) and school library (reaffirming for me my goal of making sure all of my students see themselves represented in the literature available to them). This book is well researched and reported, and this is a book I’d recommend to any mom.
hopeful
informative
reflective
medium-paced
Not to say the book was bad, but I was expecting something different. We journeyed through the author reflecting and thinking about decisions she has and had made while raising a black daughter. For me personally, the information that was given was not necessarily new. This would be a good book for someone starting out on the path to exploring black motherhood.
4.5/5- thought provoking read on what it means/looks like to raise Black children (and the support system or resources needed to do so) while also doing the work
emotional
hopeful
inspiring
I can't lie I cried early on with the discussion of spanking as violence and the use of extension cords, etc. as weapons. It really broke me open and immediately reminded me of the feeling I got the first time I read bell hooks "All About Love." This was just the first of many ways this book would take my own lived experience and put it into a wider, more political context. It gave me a frame for really grappling with my own relationship with parenting and where it came from. I hadn't previously thought of Black motherhood as inherently political, but this book opened that up in some new ways and deepened my thinking in other ways. It feels like this book is in conversation with Mia Birdsong's "How We Show" in the way that it posits that our interpersonal relationships, and in this case mothering specifically, can be spaces where we practice the world we want to live in. I highly recommend this book and can't wait to discuss it with others.