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A review by jsncnrd
A Mark on My Soul by Jordon Greene
5.0
A Mark on My Soul? More like “This book tore my soul apart like I was in the reboot of Evil Dead.” Okay but on the real … long review incoming, because I have a lot of thoughts on this book, and am deep in my feelings over it.
I finished this book a couple days ago and had to sit with it before writing a review. I also had to stop crying. Anyone who knows me knows I am notorious for crying to some degree with at least 80% of the books that I read. A Mark on My Soul was next level. I cried throughout the entire final hour of the book, long before the ending. And when the ending came, that was my final breaking point. I woke up the morning after finishing this book and was immediately overcome with sadness again all over again.
A Mark on My Soul mixed sadness with joy, beauty with tragedy, and insight with emotional whiplash. The book did so much within its 300 pages and I truly feel that it did leave a mark on my soul.
Commence Spoiler Alerts
The way in which Jordon conveyed Noah’s emotions was masterful and incredible. I deeply felt Noah’s emotions vicariously throughout the entire final act of the story. From when he got the news about Parker to when he left the cemetery. I felt how haunted he was for not picking up the phone call from Parker. I felt the survivor’s guilt. I felt the pain he put himself through while searching for some sort of closure / explanation -- and blaming himself in the process. I felt the despair when he visited Parker’s grave and reminded him that he’ll always love and remember him.
That final chapter completely did me in. Reading the note that Parker left for Noah ripped my heart apart. The letter had such beautiful sentiments written into it, but those were eclipsed by the realization of what the purpose of the note was. I read and re-read the note at least 10 times. It was just the final gut-punch in what was already an incredibly difficult story.
There are a few moments that I think will haunt me / stick with me for forever from the book:
-“Why’d you have to say you loved me?” Parker’s final interaction with Noah, knowing what he was going to do that night and how difficult that made it for him. They didn’t get a final hug, or kiss, or anything. Knowing this was the final time they’d see each other broke my heart.
-"I love you more than anything. I promise I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” Noah not picking up the phone when Parker called, and the final text he instead received from Parker.
-“Our letter was about what we did wrong. I hope yours is about what you did right.” Parker’s father realizing he failed his son.
-“Wasn’t I enough?” – Noah questioning what he meant to Parker. Jesus, this was rough.
So. This book was beautiful. It was also deeply sad & truly heart-breaking. I was rooting for Noah and Parker. For some sort of happy ending or hopeful resolution. Unfortunately, we didn’t get that.
I think what’s saddest about the book for me goes beyond the scope of the story of Noah and Parker -– what’s saddest is how true and accurate this story is -- and how often it happens in the real world. This could easily have been lifted from the diaries and stories of queer people from everywhere who have felt so low to the point of completing suicide.
Jordon -- Thank you for this work of art. It meant a whole lot to me. I cannot wait to read your other books.
And in closing, two of the most powerful quotes from the book:
"You were everything I woke up for each morning, what I breathed for, the one thing that got me this far."
“I need you to know that you were loved, Park. You’ll always be mine, and I’ll always be yours.”
Please -- if you are feeling low, or struggling, or suffering -- please, PLEASE remember you are not alone and that you are needed here. If you’re in the U.S., please call 1-800-273-8255 or 988 to be linked to a crisis hotline. The universe needs you, there are people who love you, and there is help out there. Please stay.
I finished this book a couple days ago and had to sit with it before writing a review. I also had to stop crying. Anyone who knows me knows I am notorious for crying to some degree with at least 80% of the books that I read. A Mark on My Soul was next level. I cried throughout the entire final hour of the book, long before the ending. And when the ending came, that was my final breaking point. I woke up the morning after finishing this book and was immediately overcome with sadness again all over again.
A Mark on My Soul mixed sadness with joy, beauty with tragedy, and insight with emotional whiplash. The book did so much within its 300 pages and I truly feel that it did leave a mark on my soul.
Commence Spoiler Alerts
The way in which Jordon conveyed Noah’s emotions was masterful and incredible. I deeply felt Noah’s emotions vicariously throughout the entire final act of the story. From when he got the news about Parker to when he left the cemetery. I felt how haunted he was for not picking up the phone call from Parker. I felt the survivor’s guilt. I felt the pain he put himself through while searching for some sort of closure / explanation -- and blaming himself in the process. I felt the despair when he visited Parker’s grave and reminded him that he’ll always love and remember him.
That final chapter completely did me in. Reading the note that Parker left for Noah ripped my heart apart. The letter had such beautiful sentiments written into it, but those were eclipsed by the realization of what the purpose of the note was. I read and re-read the note at least 10 times. It was just the final gut-punch in what was already an incredibly difficult story.
There are a few moments that I think will haunt me / stick with me for forever from the book:
-“Why’d you have to say you loved me?” Parker’s final interaction with Noah, knowing what he was going to do that night and how difficult that made it for him. They didn’t get a final hug, or kiss, or anything. Knowing this was the final time they’d see each other broke my heart.
-"I love you more than anything. I promise I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so sorry.” Noah not picking up the phone when Parker called, and the final text he instead received from Parker.
-“Our letter was about what we did wrong. I hope yours is about what you did right.” Parker’s father realizing he failed his son.
-“Wasn’t I enough?” – Noah questioning what he meant to Parker. Jesus, this was rough.
So. This book was beautiful. It was also deeply sad & truly heart-breaking. I was rooting for Noah and Parker. For some sort of happy ending or hopeful resolution. Unfortunately, we didn’t get that.
I think what’s saddest about the book for me goes beyond the scope of the story of Noah and Parker -– what’s saddest is how true and accurate this story is -- and how often it happens in the real world. This could easily have been lifted from the diaries and stories of queer people from everywhere who have felt so low to the point of completing suicide.
Jordon -- Thank you for this work of art. It meant a whole lot to me. I cannot wait to read your other books.
And in closing, two of the most powerful quotes from the book:
"You were everything I woke up for each morning, what I breathed for, the one thing that got me this far."
“I need you to know that you were loved, Park. You’ll always be mine, and I’ll always be yours.”
Please -- if you are feeling low, or struggling, or suffering -- please, PLEASE remember you are not alone and that you are needed here. If you’re in the U.S., please call 1-800-273-8255 or 988 to be linked to a crisis hotline. The universe needs you, there are people who love you, and there is help out there. Please stay.