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A review by olicooper
This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America by Morgan Jerkins
1.0
I found out about this book in an article about anticipated 2018 releases. This was actually one of the top books being released in 2018 that I was excited about. I guess I could have been disappointed more, but nonetheless, it was still a crushing disappointment. There is plenty in here that is still good, strong points being made, etc. But overall, I was dissatisfied with the results.
I entirely blame the section, A Hunger for Men’s Eyes. This is basically an essay where she complains about her unsuccessful dating life. There are many things within this essay that seem irrelevant to the intersection of black, female, and feminist. She just comes off as shy, with low self-esteem, and committed to her virginity (which is fine, but I can’t say that it’s surprising or dastardly to hear that other young people are interested in fooling around before marriage). All of this is just whatever though, then she gets on the subject of her porn habits. Let's just say if this was written by a man, feminist everywhere would be advocating to boycott this book. She writes about the kind of porn that elicits the most intense orgasms: violence. Specifically violence directed towards white women.
“The more painful her moans sounded, the better.” ….the fuck? Wait! There is more. I cannot. make. this. shit. up:
“I relished multiple men pulling on all her limbs, using them to pleasure their penises. I wanted them to take her all at once. I wanted her to be completely overwhelmed, pushed towards the precipice between ecstasy and death. As long as the men didn’t turn me off by calling her a bitch or a slut as they rammed inside of her, I was satisfied when they put their hands around her neck or slapped the side of her face. I wanted to hear and see the slaps, the red marks on her body, and the disheveled hair. The more force, the better. I am almost at a loss for words for how consuming these orgasms were” (85).
She acknowledges later, that she does not like to watch ebony porn, because she feels like people who watch it are dehumanizing and objectifying these women, conceding that it's what she is also doing when watching. Ya think? Then she just moves right along. Like, you think you can talk about how much you love watching the brutalization of women, acknowledge it, and move on like there is nothing wrong with that? Okay.
I did appreciate a point she makes in the section "Human, Not Black" when she mentions a mentor of sorts (white) who invites her to dinner with her family. An old uncle starts throwing questions her way about why does she identify as "black" and not "human"? He also tries giving her some ignorant compliments, that aren't real compliments. She does her best to explain to this man. She later laments that her mentor doesn't speak up (she does later apologize for her uncle). She does say she wishes she would have jumped in, while acknowledging the fact that she isn't really sure if she would have liked her to speak up, on behalf of an experience that wasn't hers (being black). However, she makes a point that I try to remember, especially in these politically divisive times, where family members can be at polar opposite ends of the political spectrum.
When speaking to the avoidance of having difficult conversations with families, because it may just end in stale mates, disagreements, etc., she says,"Accepting this is a resignation and an act of self-preservation in order to retain out peace and sanity by not expending intellectual and emotional labor on those who haven’t asked for it." I do believe that there is a way to still have these conversations, without beginning a family feud. And I believe it is important for family to hear counterpoints from people the love and respect. Especially if minds refuse to change in every other conversation, who else will have the opportunity to open minds? (~185)
Anywho, read if you will. But personally, I have little to no tolerance for the fetishizing of violence against women. Not my style.
I entirely blame the section, A Hunger for Men’s Eyes. This is basically an essay where she complains about her unsuccessful dating life. There are many things within this essay that seem irrelevant to the intersection of black, female, and feminist. She just comes off as shy, with low self-esteem, and committed to her virginity (which is fine, but I can’t say that it’s surprising or dastardly to hear that other young people are interested in fooling around before marriage). All of this is just whatever though, then she gets on the subject of her porn habits. Let's just say if this was written by a man, feminist everywhere would be advocating to boycott this book. She writes about the kind of porn that elicits the most intense orgasms: violence. Specifically violence directed towards white women.
“The more painful her moans sounded, the better.” ….the fuck? Wait! There is more. I cannot. make. this. shit. up:
“I relished multiple men pulling on all her limbs, using them to pleasure their penises. I wanted them to take her all at once. I wanted her to be completely overwhelmed, pushed towards the precipice between ecstasy and death. As long as the men didn’t turn me off by calling her a bitch or a slut as they rammed inside of her, I was satisfied when they put their hands around her neck or slapped the side of her face. I wanted to hear and see the slaps, the red marks on her body, and the disheveled hair. The more force, the better. I am almost at a loss for words for how consuming these orgasms were” (85).
She acknowledges later, that she does not like to watch ebony porn, because she feels like people who watch it are dehumanizing and objectifying these women, conceding that it's what she is also doing when watching. Ya think? Then she just moves right along. Like, you think you can talk about how much you love watching the brutalization of women, acknowledge it, and move on like there is nothing wrong with that? Okay.
I did appreciate a point she makes in the section "Human, Not Black" when she mentions a mentor of sorts (white) who invites her to dinner with her family. An old uncle starts throwing questions her way about why does she identify as "black" and not "human"? He also tries giving her some ignorant compliments, that aren't real compliments. She does her best to explain to this man. She later laments that her mentor doesn't speak up (she does later apologize for her uncle). She does say she wishes she would have jumped in, while acknowledging the fact that she isn't really sure if she would have liked her to speak up, on behalf of an experience that wasn't hers (being black). However, she makes a point that I try to remember, especially in these politically divisive times, where family members can be at polar opposite ends of the political spectrum.
When speaking to the avoidance of having difficult conversations with families, because it may just end in stale mates, disagreements, etc., she says,"Accepting this is a resignation and an act of self-preservation in order to retain out peace and sanity by not expending intellectual and emotional labor on those who haven’t asked for it." I do believe that there is a way to still have these conversations, without beginning a family feud. And I believe it is important for family to hear counterpoints from people the love and respect. Especially if minds refuse to change in every other conversation, who else will have the opportunity to open minds? (~185)
Anywho, read if you will. But personally, I have little to no tolerance for the fetishizing of violence against women. Not my style.