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A review by soupstix
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
challenging
hopeful
informative
slow-paced
5.0
“Some people feel threatened by the concept that abuse is a solvable problem, because if it is, there’s no excuse for not solving it.”
this is an incredible book that provides invaluable insight into the minds of abusers that also highlights the prevalence of abuse across cultures and debunks cultural perceptions of abusers.
i picked up this book on a whim despite not having experienced any form of abuse in my life thus far—mostly out of mild fear for the future—and i have to say that pretty much everyone should read this book. for the abused, this book is a priceless resource for recognizing abusive behaviors and figuring out where to go from there. for abusers, this book might challenge their values and entitlement and be a catalyst for reflection and change. and for those who are neither, like me, this book provides us with the tools to recognize signs of abuse on both the perpetrator and the victim and lays the groundwork for the kind of support we can provide as outsiders.
a common critique of this book is how it villainizes men and doesn’t pay enough attention to male victims of female abusers. to that i say, the book’s title specifically says it will be focusing on abusive men. and in the patriarchal heteronormative society we all live in, abusive men’s most common victims are women. despite this, bancroft makes nods to abuse that goes on within same-sex couples and makes sure to inform the reader that, while this book focuses on the behaviors of abusive men, many of these characteristics will apply to abusers in general. bancroft also reasserts that typical men are absolutely not abusive, however, abuse by men is all too easily accepted and normalized in society.
this book was published in 2003, so i’m curious if bancroft has any new insight regarding how abusers interact with social media.
all in all, fantastic book and a necessary read for anyone willing.
this is an incredible book that provides invaluable insight into the minds of abusers that also highlights the prevalence of abuse across cultures and debunks cultural perceptions of abusers.
i picked up this book on a whim despite not having experienced any form of abuse in my life thus far—mostly out of mild fear for the future—and i have to say that pretty much everyone should read this book. for the abused, this book is a priceless resource for recognizing abusive behaviors and figuring out where to go from there. for abusers, this book might challenge their values and entitlement and be a catalyst for reflection and change. and for those who are neither, like me, this book provides us with the tools to recognize signs of abuse on both the perpetrator and the victim and lays the groundwork for the kind of support we can provide as outsiders.
a common critique of this book is how it villainizes men and doesn’t pay enough attention to male victims of female abusers. to that i say, the book’s title specifically says it will be focusing on abusive men. and in the patriarchal heteronormative society we all live in, abusive men’s most common victims are women. despite this, bancroft makes nods to abuse that goes on within same-sex couples and makes sure to inform the reader that, while this book focuses on the behaviors of abusive men, many of these characteristics will apply to abusers in general. bancroft also reasserts that typical men are absolutely not abusive, however, abuse by men is all too easily accepted and normalized in society.
this book was published in 2003, so i’m curious if bancroft has any new insight regarding how abusers interact with social media.
all in all, fantastic book and a necessary read for anyone willing.