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A review by lindentea
Essex Dogs by Dan Jones
informative
medium-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? No
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
1.5
This shit pisses me off so bad because I WAS THE TARGET AUDIENCE FOR THIS!! I WAS MEANT TO LIKE IT!! And yet the shitty boring writing dragged the whole thing down so much. Like I'll give Jones this it flew by for a 455 page book but thats because I was skimming huge chunks of battles that were poorly written and just did not advance anything. I thought most (not all!) of the characterization was especially weak because its like... there are 10 dogs right? why don't we get each of their backstory, maybe in the form of thematically relevant flashbacks? is it because Jones didn't WANT to develop 10 characters? like one-dimensional would be a compliment, some of these characters have a name a weapon and nothing else. can anyone tell me one thing each about tebbe and thorp and what makes the two of them different from each other? why is loveday their leader? why is he only becoming war-weary now? because his wife and kids died before the captain did so thats not why. and why does northampton get to talk like that to everyone? is he a 12 year old who just learned how to swear, learned he can get away with it, and stays up all night coming up with the most creative swears to sling at THE HEIR APPARENT the next day?
glimmer of hope in all of this: ROMFORD!! I kind of adore him, even with the otherwise horrible writing surrounding him. I honestly think the book should have been about him and him only. Mercenary who unwillingly becomes an accomplice ina murder and then to escape punishment becomes a squire to the flop heir apparent, befriends him, kinda gets him addicted to opium, and then has like.... a weird little homoerotic moment with him in a time of weakness that the prince just ignores after? basically i'm saying i ate the romford plot up but even that wasn't good enough to save it. im not reading the next one btw.... but i do want to know if romford and kiss??
one last thing: im begging you to learn how to write women. actually im surprised by in his book on the plantagenets Jones treats the women with like a basic level of human respect. but im not sure why the ONLY woman in this whole ass novel is just there to get sexually assaulted, saved by loveday to show how kind and cool he is and how he doesn't fuck with rape (bare minimum but okay!), and then show up ever so often for loveday to be like "wow..... the woman from valognes...."
first book i read this year where i actively regretted reading it during and after. didn't stop because it was always *just* promising enough in the romford plot. im annoyed as hell and fuck
glimmer of hope in all of this: ROMFORD!! I kind of adore him, even with the otherwise horrible writing surrounding him. I honestly think the book should have been about him and him only. Mercenary who unwillingly becomes an accomplice in
one last thing: im begging you to learn how to write women. actually im surprised by in his book on the plantagenets Jones treats the women with like a basic level of human respect. but im not sure why the ONLY woman in this whole ass novel is just there to get sexually assaulted, saved by loveday to show how kind and cool he is and how he doesn't fuck with rape (bare minimum but okay!), and then show up ever so often for loveday to be like "wow..... the woman from valognes...."
first book i read this year where i actively regretted reading it during and after. didn't stop because it was always *just* promising enough in the romford plot. im annoyed as hell and fuck