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A review by lilyrooke
Return to the River: Reflections on Life Choices During a Pandemic by Dave Pelzer
5.0
Whatever happened to the child called It? Half a century after he was dramatically rescued from a horrifically abusive home environment, Dave Pelzer reflects on what it means to survive into adulthood, and how the journey of recovery is a never-ending road of grief, self-discovery, and redemption.
cw: recollections of extreme child abuse; suicidal ideation; dissociation.
This book will be upsetting for many readers, and likely triggering for abuse survivors. No doubt there will be those who question the author's account, victim-blame him, or doubt his version of events because he isn't behaving in the way they expect a survivor should, or they feel he is too whiny, or he doesn't match up to their image of the idealised victim. That's part of the reason why I'm giving 5*, but it's also because there are some haunting lines in the book that struck me to the core and really made me feel seen. It's sad to realise life doesn't offer happy endings the way you might expect from a trilogy memoir, where the author can put down the pen and walk away into the sunset, having purged themself of their past and knowing in their bones it's over now. The author frames his complex difficulties in terms of a desperate need for safety, and I thought he did an excellent job at demonstrating how people living with trauma struggle so deeply to ever feel safe, and how the lack of this fundamental need affects you in every aspect of your life, even as you try so hard to overcome obstacles, do better, and prove yourself worthy of being alive.
The author talks a lot about how as a child he felt invisible or unreal. He was looking for evidence that he was a real person. A lot of the experiences feel to me like extreme dissociation, although he doesn't use terms such as these. Basically, his sense of deep, intense isolation comes across with intensity, and coupling that with his need to prove his own worth, to constantly over-give and self-sacrifice, I felt hugely validated as a reader. In this reflective memoir the author attempts to address and heal the deep wounds of his past and fill in the craters in his heart. Perhaps it's not quite as fulfilling as a fictional piece might be, in the sense that for personal reasons or privacy reasons he's decided not to go into much detail as to his divorce or his relationship with his beloved son and grandson. As a reader, being held at arm's length in this way left me feeling his story wasn't quite fully told, but I got the sense this was a purposeful choice and I accept it with respect. His story won't be fully over until he breathes his last breath, and I really feel this book is a testament to the author's strength, endurance, and will to survive unspeakable horrors, I hope he finds writing this and putting it out into the world is a meaningful and healing experience. Although I doubt it will get the exposure it deserves - not being as gruesome or salacious as A Child Called It, Return to the River will doubtless be one of my favourite releases of 2023.
My favourite line came towards the end, about stepping away from the stern of the ship so as to engage with one's life journey at the bow. Beautifully put.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from Health Communications Inc via NetGalley and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
cw: recollections of extreme child abuse; suicidal ideation; dissociation.
This book will be upsetting for many readers, and likely triggering for abuse survivors. No doubt there will be those who question the author's account, victim-blame him, or doubt his version of events because he isn't behaving in the way they expect a survivor should, or they feel he is too whiny, or he doesn't match up to their image of the idealised victim. That's part of the reason why I'm giving 5*, but it's also because there are some haunting lines in the book that struck me to the core and really made me feel seen. It's sad to realise life doesn't offer happy endings the way you might expect from a trilogy memoir, where the author can put down the pen and walk away into the sunset, having purged themself of their past and knowing in their bones it's over now. The author frames his complex difficulties in terms of a desperate need for safety, and I thought he did an excellent job at demonstrating how people living with trauma struggle so deeply to ever feel safe, and how the lack of this fundamental need affects you in every aspect of your life, even as you try so hard to overcome obstacles, do better, and prove yourself worthy of being alive.
The author talks a lot about how as a child he felt invisible or unreal. He was looking for evidence that he was a real person. A lot of the experiences feel to me like extreme dissociation, although he doesn't use terms such as these. Basically, his sense of deep, intense isolation comes across with intensity, and coupling that with his need to prove his own worth, to constantly over-give and self-sacrifice, I felt hugely validated as a reader. In this reflective memoir the author attempts to address and heal the deep wounds of his past and fill in the craters in his heart. Perhaps it's not quite as fulfilling as a fictional piece might be, in the sense that for personal reasons or privacy reasons he's decided not to go into much detail as to his divorce or his relationship with his beloved son and grandson. As a reader, being held at arm's length in this way left me feeling his story wasn't quite fully told, but I got the sense this was a purposeful choice and I accept it with respect. His story won't be fully over until he breathes his last breath, and I really feel this book is a testament to the author's strength, endurance, and will to survive unspeakable horrors, I hope he finds writing this and putting it out into the world is a meaningful and healing experience. Although I doubt it will get the exposure it deserves - not being as gruesome or salacious as A Child Called It, Return to the River will doubtless be one of my favourite releases of 2023.
My favourite line came towards the end, about stepping away from the stern of the ship so as to engage with one's life journey at the bow. Beautifully put.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from Health Communications Inc via NetGalley and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.