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A review by quantum_singularity
Casino Royale by Ian Fleming
1.0
I firstly want to say that I like to watch James Bond films from time to time, so
(I thought) I knew what I was getting in to when I picked this up, they're not my favourite type of film and I acknowledge that they are intensely flawed and fucked, but if I wanna see exploding pens and car chases with questionable physics I maybe will watch them because I enjoy things like that sometimes.
So, having said that I really don't understand how the James Bond film franchise came from this book. Obvs I haven't read the others, but it's just not action packed or intriguing, which are I feel, fairly important when writing a secret agent/spy novel? Also, I am not saying that the films are somehow more politically pure than this bullshit.
Other than the massively fucked up misogyny running rampant throughout the whole book (which I was expecting, but actually in parts it was worse than I imagined it would be, like what the everloving fuck is your problem Ian Fleming I hate you [I mean obvs it was written in the 50s but come on]) I would say my main complaint is that it's not exciting (like it has page upon page of dryly explaining the rules to some card game that he's gonna play [which of course is being explained to a woman in a way shitty tone] so that when he finally plays the fucking game you understand what the fuck is going on. Except you don't, because the explanation was dry, boring, and condescending and actually he didn't need to explain it at all because it's contextually apparent whether he's winning or losing, and who really gives a fuck about the mitutiae of the card game he's playing [not me, it's ok if you do care, but I just coulda done without it.])
"I hope no one realises I don't know how to play this fucking game"
Anyway, I just don't think it's that good as a spy novel. Like, he doesn't really do any spying, or secret agentsy things. his cover is blown from pretty much the start of the novel and he spends the entire time taking everything everyone says at face value and then getting fucked over because everyone is a double agent and also secretly going out with your best friend.
I feel like he's meant to be a bit Sherlock Holmesian in that he's constantly "deducing" things from people's appearance, but actually unlike Holmes hardly anything he says/observes about people is shown to be true so he just comes off as obnoxiously judgemental (much like SH, but i feel like Doyle [also a massive douche] actually likes SH or in the very least wants to point out in bright fancy neon lights how frightfully clever he is, whereas with Bond you are just meant to assume he's right, except that he's probably not, because he's a massive knob]).
And then he gets captured (because of being a cocky overconfident dunce) and hit in the nuts repeatedly (I'm not even joking, it's horrible) until some previously foreshadowed mystery man kills his captors and he gets tucked up in bed for three weeks refusing to see the lady spy he was working with because he's worried that he won't be virile enough until his tackle heals.
Then they go on holiday for like two weeks by the seaside (cue Bond's disgusting ideas about power and sex) at which point he's all like "I am out of the game and wanna marry you because Patriotism is a terrible reason for killing people" but then it turns out she's a double agent (Which I could have told you from like the first time she suspiciously leaves a room with a nervous manner [Bond however was too busy checking out her buxom assets, so I guess that proves wrong his theory that ladies can't be spies, but proves right his theory that lady secret agent pertners are too distracting {because spying is done with yr libido and ladies make it go all craaaaazy}]) and then she dies so he's all like
"I see now that Patriotism is a good reason to kill people" and then I dunno goes and stands next to the flag humming God Save the Queen.
At least it's a fairly short book.
(I thought) I knew what I was getting in to when I picked this up, they're not my favourite type of film and I acknowledge that they are intensely flawed and fucked, but if I wanna see exploding pens and car chases with questionable physics I maybe will watch them because I enjoy things like that sometimes.
So, having said that I really don't understand how the James Bond film franchise came from this book. Obvs I haven't read the others, but it's just not action packed or intriguing, which are I feel, fairly important when writing a secret agent/spy novel? Also, I am not saying that the films are somehow more politically pure than this bullshit.
Other than the massively fucked up misogyny running rampant throughout the whole book (which I was expecting, but actually in parts it was worse than I imagined it would be, like what the everloving fuck is your problem Ian Fleming I hate you [I mean obvs it was written in the 50s but come on]) I would say my main complaint is that it's not exciting (like it has page upon page of dryly explaining the rules to some card game that he's gonna play [which of course is being explained to a woman in a way shitty tone] so that when he finally plays the fucking game you understand what the fuck is going on. Except you don't, because the explanation was dry, boring, and condescending and actually he didn't need to explain it at all because it's contextually apparent whether he's winning or losing, and who really gives a fuck about the mitutiae of the card game he's playing [not me, it's ok if you do care, but I just coulda done without it.])
"I hope no one realises I don't know how to play this fucking game"
Anyway, I just don't think it's that good as a spy novel. Like, he doesn't really do any spying, or secret agentsy things. his cover is blown from pretty much the start of the novel and he spends the entire time taking everything everyone says at face value and then getting fucked over because everyone is a double agent and also secretly going out with your best friend.
I feel like he's meant to be a bit Sherlock Holmesian in that he's constantly "deducing" things from people's appearance, but actually unlike Holmes hardly anything he says/observes about people is shown to be true so he just comes off as obnoxiously judgemental (much like SH, but i feel like Doyle [also a massive douche] actually likes SH or in the very least wants to point out in bright fancy neon lights how frightfully clever he is, whereas with Bond you are just meant to assume he's right, except that he's probably not, because he's a massive knob]).
And then he gets captured (because of being a cocky overconfident dunce) and hit in the nuts repeatedly (I'm not even joking, it's horrible) until some previously foreshadowed mystery man kills his captors and he gets tucked up in bed for three weeks refusing to see the lady spy he was working with because he's worried that he won't be virile enough until his tackle heals.
Then they go on holiday for like two weeks by the seaside (cue Bond's disgusting ideas about power and sex) at which point he's all like "I am out of the game and wanna marry you because Patriotism is a terrible reason for killing people" but then it turns out she's a double agent (Which I could have told you from like the first time she suspiciously leaves a room with a nervous manner [Bond however was too busy checking out her buxom assets, so I guess that proves wrong his theory that ladies can't be spies, but proves right his theory that lady secret agent pertners are too distracting {because spying is done with yr libido and ladies make it go all craaaaazy}]) and then she dies so he's all like
"I see now that Patriotism is a good reason to kill people" and then I dunno goes and stands next to the flag humming God Save the Queen.
At least it's a fairly short book.