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A review by booksrlush_
My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell
5.0
This is one of the hardest books I’ve read, it’s a haunting story filled with hard hitting topics. The main character Vanessa was such a strong narrative being in her head was an experience, this book won’t be for everyone and I advise to read these Trigger warnings - rape, pedophilia, gaslighting, sexual assault, physical abuse, grieving, child pornography mention/acts, talk of suicide, suicide, fatphobic comments, disordered eating, overall this is a read you should not pick up lightly
We start the story and end the story in the same mind Vanessa, when she was a young girl she had a what she thought of as a relationship with a teacher at her boarding school. We follow Vanessa through her teenage years and we watch how a twisted man breaks in to her mind and takes advantage of the power dynamic. The more we explore Vanessa’s past things get infuriating, Vanessa was head over heels in love with Strane, she had an understanding of what was happening but not the real clue that he was a predator. Reading from an outsider is easy you know exactly what to do when being a spectator in someone else’s story but with this book drags you in over the course of time. Strane I believe had been getting away with this indecent, immoral behaviour for years, it never explicitly says but I think Vanessa was the first time it’s gone as far as it did. He keeps in contact with her through the years and at points Vanessa does say things that make you believe she knows what he is and what he’s done. Then she protects him and believes him time and time again. He really manipulated her from the age of fifteen to the age of thirty three.
Everything that follow is a life changed forever, Vanessa never seen herself as a victim, she never thought he took advantage, she thought they were in love. Taylor a woman who comes forward with accusation against Strane for molesting her it puts Vanessa in to a spiral remembering her past with him. The book really explores how people can think about things differently, how trauma and healing are different for everyone. It’s also scary to the way the mind response to unrecognised trauma. At one point Vanessa says to her therapist ‘she needs it to be a love story’ she was made to feel and think about it as romantic, because it hid the truth.
This was a great book, it was hard to read and times it made me uncomfortable it it was written well and it’s so raw and passionate yet hurtful and at times it will make your skin crawl. This book is definitely not for everyone but it’s a book that doesn’t romanticise student/teacher relationship. It’s a real take one what a mind might look like after being through so much and how surviving might not always be thriving but it’s something everyone does differently and something to proud of.
We start the story and end the story in the same mind Vanessa, when she was a young girl she had a what she thought of as a relationship with a teacher at her boarding school. We follow Vanessa through her teenage years and we watch how a twisted man breaks in to her mind and takes advantage of the power dynamic. The more we explore Vanessa’s past things get infuriating, Vanessa was head over heels in love with Strane, she had an understanding of what was happening but not the real clue that he was a predator. Reading from an outsider is easy you know exactly what to do when being a spectator in someone else’s story but with this book drags you in over the course of time. Strane I believe had been getting away with this indecent, immoral behaviour for years, it never explicitly says but I think Vanessa was the first time it’s gone as far as it did. He keeps in contact with her through the years and at points Vanessa does say things that make you believe she knows what he is and what he’s done. Then she protects him and believes him time and time again. He really manipulated her from the age of fifteen to the age of thirty three.
Everything that follow is a life changed forever, Vanessa never seen herself as a victim, she never thought he took advantage, she thought they were in love. Taylor a woman who comes forward with accusation against Strane for molesting her it puts Vanessa in to a spiral remembering her past with him. The book really explores how people can think about things differently, how trauma and healing are different for everyone. It’s also scary to the way the mind response to unrecognised trauma. At one point Vanessa says to her therapist ‘she needs it to be a love story’ she was made to feel and think about it as romantic, because it hid the truth.
This was a great book, it was hard to read and times it made me uncomfortable it it was written well and it’s so raw and passionate yet hurtful and at times it will make your skin crawl. This book is definitely not for everyone but it’s a book that doesn’t romanticise student/teacher relationship. It’s a real take one what a mind might look like after being through so much and how surviving might not always be thriving but it’s something everyone does differently and something to proud of.