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lilyrooke's reviews
465 reviews
Spare by Prince Harry
emotional
informative
reflective
sad
medium-paced
3.0
Spare is a story of emotional neglect, immense grief, and the myriad consequences of unaddressed trauma. In therapy, clients are often gently encouraged to consider how making meaning from their traumatic experiences - shaping their own narrative - may unlock aspects of the healing process. Harry utilises this strategy by making his memoir a means of returning to that bereaved little boy - who grew up in an environment where he was not permitted to seek physical affection from adults (hugs were an alien concept), and who knew from an early age that he born for the sole purpose of being the 'spare' - and leading him into the light of present-day freedom.
What struck me most while reading Spare was the necessity of dissolving the monarchy, if only for the sake of the children stuck in the spokes of its damaged, merciless wheel. Harry is not the only walking wounded. Other than the tabloid press, I felt William comes across worst, but I would be fascinated to read his own version of events alongside Harry's. William seems to be the typical 'golden child' while Harry is the 'black sheep', a common pattern in families with abusive and unhealthy relationship dynamics. But the golden child suffers too, the fundamental problem being that all the children are raised to believe the love around them is conditional on certain factors. Much of the toxicity and stressful situations involving the Core Four of Harry, Meghan, William, and Kate seem to stem from the immense pressure they were all put under, not only by the tabloid press but by the shifting power dynamics of the Royal Family, with aging figures such as the Queen and Prince Charles essentially out of commission, leaving their advisors (straight out of Downing Street) to pit the younger generation against one another. In this way, Spare reflects the changing times of contemporary British society, its generational and values divide.
Harry's fury is directed first and foremost at the British tabloid press - by all accounts with good reason. Is it a coincidence how you can't look at any UK publication without seeing article after article denigrating him for speaking up about his experiences and telling his truth? Ask yourself what they have to lose. Royal Family drama makes them a ton of money, and if people actually started questioning whether it's right to hound human beings like this, whether a celebrity has any right to privacy, whether readers should consider the impact on the subject's mental health, then surely people might start refusing to click these articles and give the media empires more ad revenue? One key takeaway for me is that I will work hard never again to read articles that leap on humanity's lowest instincts and thrive on the misery of other human beings. Even if they're rich. Even if they're famous. Even if they're privileged. It's one thing to see justice done for criminals, another to cackle over who said what to who, and who got upset by it.
Harry doesn't shy away from sharing how his wife grew suicidal from the tabloid intrusion, nor how the stress of their constant hounding likely contributed to her miscarriage. Much as he talks about dehumanising his enemies in Afghanistan, he and Meghan Markle became non-persons for the tabloid press - you get the sense they only saw £ signs in front of their eyes whenever there was an opportunity to post anything about Harry or Meghan. It's deeply concerning how Meghan Markle was treated, how Caroline Flack was treated, and how Harry was treated, especially as a child. I found it shocking how much could be legally published with no recourse, and how actually speaking up or suing would make it worse. There's a sense of being manipulated and victimised by a press that is always hungry for more drama. I felt my brain rotting just from reading about it so much. What do the press have to gain from keeping the British public distracted in this way? Surely not how the government is deliberately throwing the country off a cliff? It made me think of Plato's Cave. Step outside the cave and say no to the shadow puppet dance. Murdoch empire string-pullers.
I have no reason to believe anything Harry says is untrue, although clearly it's a one-sided account, which is why I would be fascinated to read William's contribution. They seem to see things so vastly differently, and clearly Harry was being left out of a lot of meetings and things were being discussed and decided without him, so I do wonder what was said to William, and what his motivations were. Late in the memoir, it becomes clear that there are a number of key advisers essentially holding the family to ransom based on their own perceptions of what is best. It honestly reminded me of Littlefinger and Varys from Game of Thrones. Growing up in a small, conservative village in England, from my perspective throughout school the Royal Family were these minor gods, removed from the realities of being human, and somehow perfect and unquestionable. But clearly they're all flesh and blood humans, and no one exemplifies this more than Charles, who comes across as deeply damaged by an emotionally abusive childhood and still carrying the scars of being bullied throughout his schooldays. Seemingly so desperate for love and approval that he'd throw his children under the PR bus if it meant more good publicity for him and Camilla. Not that he hates his children (while hugely repressed, he also comes across as loving and at times vulnerable in front of Harry), but he's so deeply lacking in core love and worth that he needs to seek it from the empty press.
Fundamentally, what I learnt from Spare is that the whole institution is fucked. It's frightening how emotionally removed the adults are from the children, and I respect Harry and William for clearly wanting to try to parent their children differently. The damage to Charles, Harry, William, is immense. This is a family that encapsulates the concept of generational trauma, and doubtless it goes back to the trauma of World War II, and even further, with generation after generation deeply impacted by upper-class white British repression and stiff upper lip misery. It would be interesting to read Spare after watching The King's Speech.
Finally, Harry himself comes across as a bit of a Made in Chelsea stereotype, if I'm being honest. He does make the point that he was infantilised and wanted to work and make his own money, but he was constrained by his father and the palace into a working royal role. It's fascinating how as a grown man he has access to millions of pounds for charitable foundations, but absolutely nothing for furnishing a flat, beyond what his father allows. So there's an incredible section about Meghan buying a sofa on credit, and IKEA lamps in their flat, and him sneaking out to the high street sales every six months or so to buy a few items of clothing. Yet he's also constantly hopping back and forth to Botswana, Australia, South Africa, living a life that's directionless and restrained, yet full of empty privilege, desperate to find some meaning and purpose.
There are times where he lacks self-awareness, such as when he compares himself to Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha); when he calls William and Kate to ask whether a Nazi uniform would be a good choice for a fancy dress party; when he uses a slur against a Pakistani friend etc. He does seem put out at the fact that he would be called racist for saying racist things, or criticised for comparing killing Taliban fighters with video games, when that's what he does. I did find myself getting frustrated by his wide-eyed attitude, since there comes a point where you need to think about what you say, and how it will be taken. Having said that, Harry also explores quite early on how his childhood trauma led to various behavioural changes, memory and processing issues, focus problems, that all point to actual lasting damage and are very real things. He doesn't seem to have had any help with any of this, until seeking out therapy much later in his life. That's a failing on the part of his family, because they didn't protect a vulnerable, bereaved child. Neglect features constantly.
I think some make the immediate criticism that he's grown up in castles and palaces and boarding schools, he wanted for nothing, so he shouldn't complain. As Harry describes it, he was limited to his bedroom, the dining room, and the sitting room, and lived a somewhat Spartan existence with limited possessions. What's clear to me is that you could have everything you ever wanted, but if you lack love, and can't have a cuddle, and don't know how to cry, and are dissociating from a young age, and all you get told is to be a man, then you're going to walk away deeply wounded and damaged. Some will scoff, but it's true. We need warmth and love more than we need anything else. Since Harry brings up post-traumatic stress, there's evidence that the difference between soldiers who end up with PTSD and those who don't often comes down to whether they formed strong early attachments, and how well those were sustained into adulthood. Put simply, you can suffer so much and come out basically fine if you know you're loved. If you feel unwanted and unworthy, you could be a Prince of England, yet believe yourself worse than nothing.
cw: trauma; emotional neglect; suicidal ideation; bereavement; racism; gaslighting; references to suicide; physical abuse; miscarriage
What struck me most while reading Spare was the necessity of dissolving the monarchy, if only for the sake of the children stuck in the spokes of its damaged, merciless wheel. Harry is not the only walking wounded. Other than the tabloid press, I felt William comes across worst, but I would be fascinated to read his own version of events alongside Harry's. William seems to be the typical 'golden child' while Harry is the 'black sheep', a common pattern in families with abusive and unhealthy relationship dynamics. But the golden child suffers too, the fundamental problem being that all the children are raised to believe the love around them is conditional on certain factors. Much of the toxicity and stressful situations involving the Core Four of Harry, Meghan, William, and Kate seem to stem from the immense pressure they were all put under, not only by the tabloid press but by the shifting power dynamics of the Royal Family, with aging figures such as the Queen and Prince Charles essentially out of commission, leaving their advisors (straight out of Downing Street) to pit the younger generation against one another. In this way, Spare reflects the changing times of contemporary British society, its generational and values divide.
Harry's fury is directed first and foremost at the British tabloid press - by all accounts with good reason. Is it a coincidence how you can't look at any UK publication without seeing article after article denigrating him for speaking up about his experiences and telling his truth? Ask yourself what they have to lose. Royal Family drama makes them a ton of money, and if people actually started questioning whether it's right to hound human beings like this, whether a celebrity has any right to privacy, whether readers should consider the impact on the subject's mental health, then surely people might start refusing to click these articles and give the media empires more ad revenue? One key takeaway for me is that I will work hard never again to read articles that leap on humanity's lowest instincts and thrive on the misery of other human beings. Even if they're rich. Even if they're famous. Even if they're privileged. It's one thing to see justice done for criminals, another to cackle over who said what to who, and who got upset by it.
Harry doesn't shy away from sharing how his wife grew suicidal from the tabloid intrusion, nor how the stress of their constant hounding likely contributed to her miscarriage. Much as he talks about dehumanising his enemies in Afghanistan, he and Meghan Markle became non-persons for the tabloid press - you get the sense they only saw £ signs in front of their eyes whenever there was an opportunity to post anything about Harry or Meghan. It's deeply concerning how Meghan Markle was treated, how Caroline Flack was treated, and how Harry was treated, especially as a child. I found it shocking how much could be legally published with no recourse, and how actually speaking up or suing would make it worse. There's a sense of being manipulated and victimised by a press that is always hungry for more drama. I felt my brain rotting just from reading about it so much. What do the press have to gain from keeping the British public distracted in this way? Surely not how the government is deliberately throwing the country off a cliff? It made me think of Plato's Cave. Step outside the cave and say no to the shadow puppet dance. Murdoch empire string-pullers.
I have no reason to believe anything Harry says is untrue, although clearly it's a one-sided account, which is why I would be fascinated to read William's contribution. They seem to see things so vastly differently, and clearly Harry was being left out of a lot of meetings and things were being discussed and decided without him, so I do wonder what was said to William, and what his motivations were. Late in the memoir, it becomes clear that there are a number of key advisers essentially holding the family to ransom based on their own perceptions of what is best. It honestly reminded me of Littlefinger and Varys from Game of Thrones. Growing up in a small, conservative village in England, from my perspective throughout school the Royal Family were these minor gods, removed from the realities of being human, and somehow perfect and unquestionable. But clearly they're all flesh and blood humans, and no one exemplifies this more than Charles, who comes across as deeply damaged by an emotionally abusive childhood and still carrying the scars of being bullied throughout his schooldays. Seemingly so desperate for love and approval that he'd throw his children under the PR bus if it meant more good publicity for him and Camilla. Not that he hates his children (while hugely repressed, he also comes across as loving and at times vulnerable in front of Harry), but he's so deeply lacking in core love and worth that he needs to seek it from the empty press.
Fundamentally, what I learnt from Spare is that the whole institution is fucked. It's frightening how emotionally removed the adults are from the children, and I respect Harry and William for clearly wanting to try to parent their children differently. The damage to Charles, Harry, William, is immense. This is a family that encapsulates the concept of generational trauma, and doubtless it goes back to the trauma of World War II, and even further, with generation after generation deeply impacted by upper-class white British repression and stiff upper lip misery. It would be interesting to read Spare after watching The King's Speech.
Finally, Harry himself comes across as a bit of a Made in Chelsea stereotype, if I'm being honest. He does make the point that he was infantilised and wanted to work and make his own money, but he was constrained by his father and the palace into a working royal role. It's fascinating how as a grown man he has access to millions of pounds for charitable foundations, but absolutely nothing for furnishing a flat, beyond what his father allows. So there's an incredible section about Meghan buying a sofa on credit, and IKEA lamps in their flat, and him sneaking out to the high street sales every six months or so to buy a few items of clothing. Yet he's also constantly hopping back and forth to Botswana, Australia, South Africa, living a life that's directionless and restrained, yet full of empty privilege, desperate to find some meaning and purpose.
There are times where he lacks self-awareness, such as when he compares himself to Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha); when he calls William and Kate to ask whether a Nazi uniform would be a good choice for a fancy dress party; when he uses a slur against a Pakistani friend etc. He does seem put out at the fact that he would be called racist for saying racist things, or criticised for comparing killing Taliban fighters with video games, when that's what he does. I did find myself getting frustrated by his wide-eyed attitude, since there comes a point where you need to think about what you say, and how it will be taken. Having said that, Harry also explores quite early on how his childhood trauma led to various behavioural changes, memory and processing issues, focus problems, that all point to actual lasting damage and are very real things. He doesn't seem to have had any help with any of this, until seeking out therapy much later in his life. That's a failing on the part of his family, because they didn't protect a vulnerable, bereaved child. Neglect features constantly.
I think some make the immediate criticism that he's grown up in castles and palaces and boarding schools, he wanted for nothing, so he shouldn't complain. As Harry describes it, he was limited to his bedroom, the dining room, and the sitting room, and lived a somewhat Spartan existence with limited possessions. What's clear to me is that you could have everything you ever wanted, but if you lack love, and can't have a cuddle, and don't know how to cry, and are dissociating from a young age, and all you get told is to be a man, then you're going to walk away deeply wounded and damaged. Some will scoff, but it's true. We need warmth and love more than we need anything else. Since Harry brings up post-traumatic stress, there's evidence that the difference between soldiers who end up with PTSD and those who don't often comes down to whether they formed strong early attachments, and how well those were sustained into adulthood. Put simply, you can suffer so much and come out basically fine if you know you're loved. If you feel unwanted and unworthy, you could be a Prince of England, yet believe yourself worse than nothing.
cw: trauma; emotional neglect; suicidal ideation; bereavement; racism; gaslighting; references to suicide; physical abuse; miscarriage
Content Warnings
Moderate: Emotional abuse, Miscarriage, Physical abuse, Racism, Suicidal thoughts, Grief, Death of parent, and Gaslighting
Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard C. Schwartz
I found this a very interesting read. I hadn't heard of Internal Family Systems before, but this book offers a detailed and accessible explanation and guide to working with your various 'parts'. As the blurb suggests, the text is written in an empowering and non-pathologising manner, which makes what could be a daunting or shame-inducing task actually seem enjoyable and fulfilling. Any therapeutic approach that encourages curiosity, to my mind, brings with it compassion and hope. I tried out some of the exercises while reading, and got the hang of them alone, but I think you could also work with a professional to make use of the book's teachings. I really liked Schwartz' emphasis on empathy; the spectrum of parts and how to engage them; and bringing the wounded parts into grounded rather than extreme positions through compassionate witnessing. Sometimes I found the writing approach a little too highbrow for my personal tastes, as I prefer something more down to earth and practical, but that's a minor personal complaint.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from Sounds True Publishing via NetGalley and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
challenging
informative
reflective
medium-paced
4.0
I found this a very interesting read. I hadn't heard of Internal Family Systems before, but this book offers a detailed and accessible explanation and guide to working with your various 'parts'. As the blurb suggests, the text is written in an empowering and non-pathologising manner, which makes what could be a daunting or shame-inducing task actually seem enjoyable and fulfilling. Any therapeutic approach that encourages curiosity, to my mind, brings with it compassion and hope. I tried out some of the exercises while reading, and got the hang of them alone, but I think you could also work with a professional to make use of the book's teachings. I really liked Schwartz' emphasis on empathy; the spectrum of parts and how to engage them; and bringing the wounded parts into grounded rather than extreme positions through compassionate witnessing. Sometimes I found the writing approach a little too highbrow for my personal tastes, as I prefer something more down to earth and practical, but that's a minor personal complaint.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from Sounds True Publishing via NetGalley and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
informative
reflective
slow-paced
2.0
Tricky book to rate. It's long and all-encompassing, giving a decent overview of a lot without diving into anything in adequate detail (in my opinion). Hard to explain but it didn't hit right for me. Some attribution of structural problems to individual boundary failures suggesting a lack of engagement with cultural context.
The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power by Katherine Morgan Schafler
challenging
emotional
hopeful
informative
inspiring
reflective
medium-paced
5.0
I truly can't recommend this book highly enough. Written by a psychotherapist, The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control reframes perfectionism as something much more insidious than quirky, providing a deep dive into five different subtypes while questioning the elusive concept of 'finding balance' through a gently anti-capitalist/patriarchal lens.
The author draws on a lot of stories, all with female clients, so the language sometimes feels less inclusive than it could have been, although the author does make the point in a footnote that this is for brevity and convenience, so I think if cis male or other trans spec readers went into the book with this mindset they would gain just as much. I respect that the author took the approach of staying in her lane and recommended other texts where appropriate.
Personally, I felt the blurb sells the book as something a little more pop culture-y than it actually is on the page. I would encourage readers who identify with the extreme struggles detailed in the book to work through their insight and growth with the support of a therapist. I felt like this was more an accessible academic text, rather than an easy self-help beach read.
If you're in the right place at the right time in your mental health journey, I have no doubt this book will offer a great deal of healing. I have definitely felt a change, like the things I've been working towards over many years alone and with intense therapy for twelve months have crystalised with the help of this book. I want to re-read it regularly, and I intend to purchase my own copy as soon as possible. Bring on the tears and 'sudden' moments of clarity and understanding.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from Penguin Group Portfolio via NetGalley, and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
The author draws on a lot of stories, all with female clients, so the language sometimes feels less inclusive than it could have been, although the author does make the point in a footnote that this is for brevity and convenience, so I think if cis male or other trans spec readers went into the book with this mindset they would gain just as much. I respect that the author took the approach of staying in her lane and recommended other texts where appropriate.
Personally, I felt the blurb sells the book as something a little more pop culture-y than it actually is on the page. I would encourage readers who identify with the extreme struggles detailed in the book to work through their insight and growth with the support of a therapist. I felt like this was more an accessible academic text, rather than an easy self-help beach read.
If you're in the right place at the right time in your mental health journey, I have no doubt this book will offer a great deal of healing. I have definitely felt a change, like the things I've been working towards over many years alone and with intense therapy for twelve months have crystalised with the help of this book. I want to re-read it regularly, and I intend to purchase my own copy as soon as possible. Bring on the tears and 'sudden' moments of clarity and understanding.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from Penguin Group Portfolio via NetGalley, and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
Olympic Enemies by Rebecca J. Caffery
lighthearted
fast-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Plot
- Strong character development? No
- Loveable characters? No
- Diverse cast of characters? It's complicated
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
2.0
are you looking for an M/M enemies-to-lovers sports romance set in the Olympic Village?
read this if you enjoy: quick, easy reads in the same genre with angst and heat.
rep: gay MC; bi MC.
cw: public outing; references to the violent death of a spouse and (view spoiler); past trauma; sex.
Forced to share a room for the duration of the Olympics, rivals and teammates Lucas and Oliver's relationship moves fast from enemies to lovers under the pressure of the approaching performance. As they attempt to keep their 'rivals with benefits' situation secret from their team and the press, both men grow to learn more about what the other is hiding. While personally I did not feel the spark between Lucas and Oliver and had some questions about the pacing of their relationship bearing in mind the emotional context, I think readers who gravitate towards this subgenre should definitely give the book a go.
CAWPILE: 3.3 (2*)
favourite aspect: I thought the gymnastics and training scenes were written really well. I enjoy watching Olympic gymnastics but don't consider myself an expert by any means, yet I found these scenes engaging and fun to follow.
a wish: I would have liked the two protagonists to have had more varied narrative voices, as I often struggled to differentiate between whose perspective I was reading. I think if Oliver's past trauma had been explored in more emotional and psychological detail it would feel better embedded.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from The Wild Rose Press via NetGalley and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
read this if you enjoy: quick, easy reads in the same genre with angst and heat.
rep: gay MC; bi MC.
cw: public outing; references to the violent death of a spouse and (view spoiler); past trauma; sex.
Forced to share a room for the duration of the Olympics, rivals and teammates Lucas and Oliver's relationship moves fast from enemies to lovers under the pressure of the approaching performance. As they attempt to keep their 'rivals with benefits' situation secret from their team and the press, both men grow to learn more about what the other is hiding. While personally I did not feel the spark between Lucas and Oliver and had some questions about the pacing of their relationship bearing in mind the emotional context, I think readers who gravitate towards this subgenre should definitely give the book a go.
CAWPILE: 3.3 (2*)
favourite aspect: I thought the gymnastics and training scenes were written really well. I enjoy watching Olympic gymnastics but don't consider myself an expert by any means, yet I found these scenes engaging and fun to follow.
a wish: I would have liked the two protagonists to have had more varied narrative voices, as I often struggled to differentiate between whose perspective I was reading. I think if Oliver's past trauma had been explored in more emotional and psychological detail it would feel better embedded.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from The Wild Rose Press via NetGalley and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
Content Warnings
Graphic: Outing
Moderate: Sexual content
Minor: Child death, Death, Grief, Car accident, and Abandonment
The Ship We Built by Lexie Bean
challenging
dark
emotional
reflective
sad
tense
slow-paced
- Plot- or character-driven? Character
- Strong character development? It's complicated
- Loveable characters? It's complicated
- Diverse cast of characters? Yes
- Flaws of characters a main focus? No
4.5
are you looking for a 90s-vibe, MG epistolary novel from the perspective of a trans child who is being sexually abused by his father?
read this if you enjoyed: other painful, unflinching trauma narratives.
rep: questioning, trans MC; Black queer-coded best friend.
cw: child sexual abuse; incest; transphobia; bullying; homophobia; dissociation; trauma; suicide ideation; parental incarceration; institutional racism
Haunting. Painful. This is a book I wish I hadn't read, in all honesty. But perhaps someday I'll feel different, and I'll know it helped guide me along my own river. Please pay attention to the content warnings; this book does not play nice.
CAWPILE: 7.7 (4*)
favourite aspect: Rowan's friendship with Sofie offered a beautiful ray of light. I cheered when Mr B left Rowan the note with his phone number, but as the author says, it's rare that a sexually abused child would reach out to another adult, so it's our responsibility to keep looking out for them.
a wish: Content. warnings. save. lives. and. should. be. mandatory.
read this if you enjoyed: other painful, unflinching trauma narratives.
rep: questioning, trans MC; Black queer-coded best friend.
cw: child sexual abuse; incest; transphobia; bullying; homophobia; dissociation; trauma; suicide ideation; parental incarceration; institutional racism
Haunting. Painful. This is a book I wish I hadn't read, in all honesty. But perhaps someday I'll feel different, and I'll know it helped guide me along my own river. Please pay attention to the content warnings; this book does not play nice.
CAWPILE: 7.7 (4*)
favourite aspect: Rowan's friendship with Sofie offered a beautiful ray of light. I cheered when Mr B left Rowan the note with his phone number, but as the author says, it's rare that a sexually abused child would reach out to another adult, so it's our responsibility to keep looking out for them.
a wish: Content. warnings. save. lives. and. should. be. mandatory.
Content Warnings
Moderate: Bullying, Child abuse, Homophobia, Sexual violence, Suicidal thoughts, and Transphobia
Overture by London Price
emotional
hopeful
slow-paced
3.0
are you looking for a queer second chance romance dealing with the complexities of transition?
read this if you enjoy: second chance romance and found family.
rep: queer MC; trans LI; largely queer supporting cast.
cw: coming out gone wrong; implied deadnaming; and discussion of religious trauma (provided by the author).
When Evan's ex Andrew turns up on his front doorstep in the middle of the night, Evan springs into action, returning to the role of caretaker and protector he felt so comfortable assuming during their past relationship. But this time around, Andrew is adamant he wants to stand on his own two feet, especially as he comes to terms with his gender identity and expression. Knowing they ended things badly in the past, Evan wants to make amends and do better the second time around, but can he get through to this 'new' Andrew? While I personally didn't connect with Evan as much as the previous narrators of the series, I would still highly recommend this book to any reader who is intrigued by the premise. The author always writes with sensitivity and nuance, and I loved the romance scenes between Evan and Andrew, which were handled with such care. I look forward to the continuation of the Portland Symphony.
CAWPILE: 4.9 (3*)
favourite aspect: As always, the found family vibes are excellent, as is the sensitive, nuanced queer representation, and I loved the cameos from the characters in the earlier Portland Symphony books.
a wish: For my personal preferences I would have liked there to have been a more active plotline in this instalment. I think it was the right choice overall not to do flashbacks of Andrew and Evan's past relationship, as you might usually find in second chance romance, but for me that meant the plot felt a bit too meandering at times.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from the author, and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
read this if you enjoy: second chance romance and found family.
rep: queer MC; trans LI; largely queer supporting cast.
cw: coming out gone wrong; implied deadnaming; and discussion of religious trauma (provided by the author).
When Evan's ex Andrew turns up on his front doorstep in the middle of the night, Evan springs into action, returning to the role of caretaker and protector he felt so comfortable assuming during their past relationship. But this time around, Andrew is adamant he wants to stand on his own two feet, especially as he comes to terms with his gender identity and expression. Knowing they ended things badly in the past, Evan wants to make amends and do better the second time around, but can he get through to this 'new' Andrew? While I personally didn't connect with Evan as much as the previous narrators of the series, I would still highly recommend this book to any reader who is intrigued by the premise. The author always writes with sensitivity and nuance, and I loved the romance scenes between Evan and Andrew, which were handled with such care. I look forward to the continuation of the Portland Symphony.
CAWPILE: 4.9 (3*)
favourite aspect: As always, the found family vibes are excellent, as is the sensitive, nuanced queer representation, and I loved the cameos from the characters in the earlier Portland Symphony books.
a wish: For my personal preferences I would have liked there to have been a more active plotline in this instalment. I think it was the right choice overall not to do flashbacks of Andrew and Evan's past relationship, as you might usually find in second chance romance, but for me that meant the plot felt a bit too meandering at times.
disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from the author, and I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
Content Warnings
Minor: Deadnaming and Dysphoria
Author also provided religious trauma as a content warning.
Wings of Ruin by Skye Horn
5.0
Wings of Ruin felt like a punch to the heart most of the way through, and I loved it. So much that Thea struggles with - from wondering whether she can save a loved one who seems to be beyond saving, to questioning whether a relationship was healthy due to its intensity, or genuine due to its nature - really had me torn wondering what she was going to decide, and how she was going to come to terms with her decision, and what the after-effects would be. I think in this book Skye Horn raises such interesting questions about fated love, true love, sacrifice and self-preservation. So much in this story turned out differently from what I was expecting, and I loved those twists and turns. I cannot wait for Book 4!
A Sea of Pearls & Leaves by Rosalyn Briar
5.0
Princess Ingrid does not want to get married, so her girlfriend Lilura devises a plan, but when the plan backfires, a contest amongst her suitors ensues!
'A Sea of Pearls & Leaves' broke through my reading slump in the first couple of pages. Rosalyn's writing is so rich and atmospheric that I immediately felt drawn into the shadowy caverns and could smell the sea salt of Norella Isle.
This is a story that has stuck with me! I'll be wandering around, and then suddenly I think about the meaning behind 'this' aspect of Soren's personality, and how it contrasts with 'that' of another character's. I cannot wait until I can discuss this book in more detail with others, because I have so many thoughts about it.
Without giving too much away, I was struck by the twist on the love triangle trope, and the ending of the story. I loved all three of the main characters, and appreciated how there was no sense of 'blame' or 'right and wrong' amongst the main characters when it came to their feelings and desires.
I really loved this book!
'A Sea of Pearls & Leaves' broke through my reading slump in the first couple of pages. Rosalyn's writing is so rich and atmospheric that I immediately felt drawn into the shadowy caverns and could smell the sea salt of Norella Isle.
This is a story that has stuck with me! I'll be wandering around, and then suddenly I think about the meaning behind 'this' aspect of Soren's personality, and how it contrasts with 'that' of another character's. I cannot wait until I can discuss this book in more detail with others, because I have so many thoughts about it.
Without giving too much away, I was struck by the twist on the love triangle trope, and the ending of the story. I loved all three of the main characters, and appreciated how there was no sense of 'blame' or 'right and wrong' amongst the main characters when it came to their feelings and desires.
I really loved this book!
Mar King by Nicolette Beebe
5.0
Wow.
What to say about Mar King?
A beautifully touching second chance romance in an apocalyptic future that will hook you from the start, have you rooting for the two MCs, and then take your heart and break it apart over and over again in the third act. It had me bawling.
I had been planning to spread this read out over a week, but I read it in two days instead because by the time Sara and Dexter set off on their journey there was no way I was putting this book down.
This book is so cinematic. I'm so glad that there is a sequel. I can't wait for 'Sir Bennet'!
Highly recommended. Absolutely among my very favourite reads of 2020!
What to say about Mar King?
A beautifully touching second chance romance in an apocalyptic future that will hook you from the start, have you rooting for the two MCs, and then take your heart and break it apart over and over again in the third act. It had me bawling.
I had been planning to spread this read out over a week, but I read it in two days instead because by the time Sara and Dexter set off on their journey there was no way I was putting this book down.
This book is so cinematic. I'm so glad that there is a sequel. I can't wait for 'Sir Bennet'!
Highly recommended. Absolutely among my very favourite reads of 2020!